These are excerpts from messages posted to an internet mailing list whose members share their experiences of having been members of the Mormon church (LDS Church). Although the names of the writers have not been included here, they are on file. Only minor editing has been done to clarify abbreviations, or correct grammar or spelling. All these items were written during 1998.
Terms which may be unfamiliar:
TBM: devout Mormon Ward: local parish unit of the LDS church Bishop: lay pastor of a ward BYU: Brigham Young University, in Provo, Utah; the largest of the Mormon church's chain of colleges D&C: The "Doctrine and Covenants," one of the books Mormons accept as scripture, of equal validity as the Bible Relief Society (also "RS"): the Mormon women's organization Primary: a Mormon organization for children under 12 which meets once a week; not the same as "Sunday school"
References to "this site" and to "Eric" are to the internet web site Recovery From Mormonism, and its subscriber mailing list, operated by former Mormon missionary Eric Kettunen.
I had to leave the church to be healed -- the pounding demands of "worthiness" and "perfectionism" had just about ground me to dust. My family witnessed my intense struggle to survive this pulverizing force in my life. I took it seriously. When I found the lies that the church was based on -- Joseph Smith's wet dream of power, profit making, and bagging as many women as he could --well, I was released from the gristmill of it all. I went away sad, but serene. I have always been of a spiritual nature--so I went out on a hillside and poured it all our in angry, explaining, demanding, and finally peaceful torrents. I had nothing to explain. I felt known -- as is. I can't explain the resue I felt. It was all okay. I was given a fine brain and no God would object to me using it. I was given a strong heart and no God was going to curtail it. I was given a resilient nature, and no God was going to knock me down until I succumbed. It was a wondrous release from any outward expectation. I felt known --valued----understood.
I grew up in the church. I still remember the day I decided to go on a mission. I was five years old. I never thought that such a decision would make my life as difficult as it turned out to be. Don't get me wrong, I loved my mission, but I still had to go through a lot of sacrifice both physically and emotionally. I would have done anything for that church. I served my mission in Guatemala. It was a very difficult mission. I saw death and dying, extreme poverty, and violence. I felt emotionally raped by what I saw. Again, I would have sacrificed anything for that church because I believed so strongly in it.
I grew up in a extremely fanatic home and IMO my family has suffered a great deal from my father's fanaticism. He would (and still does) bully, manipulate, belittle, tear down and be downright mean in the name of God. He is a very obsessive person. I was also told by my parents I would be a future prophet. I cannot tell you how much pain that has given me, and the reason for feelings of inadequacy I felt growing up (it's very difficult to live up to Nephi's standards. I was told I was nothing without keeping the commandments and at the same time I was told I was worthless because I didn't measure up.
[from a young Mormon husband who has just told his Mormon wife that he no longer believes in Mormonism:]
[My wife] just came home from the temple and declared that I must not love her because I wouldn't go to the temple with her and I couldn't possibly love her unless I put the church and the savior first. What a crock. This is killing me. I love her so much that this is truly breaking my heart. I cannot continue to live the lie, though. I continue to hope.
[A young husband leaving the church reports that he had asked his Mormon wife:]"If you were presented with evidence that proved Joseph Smith was lying, and proved that he did not do the things he said, would you still believe?"[A woman who left the church about a year before commented:]
Her response: "Yes, I would."
Sorry to tell you, but that is the norm for the Mormons. My sister didn't believe I had real facts, she asked to see them. I presented them. She couldn't find the answers. Decided she didn't want to see them anymore. Totally disregarded them.
So, it's unfortunate, but true that some people will believe NO MATTER WHAT. The best you can do is remain supportive and loving, and hopefully she will open her mind and listen.
I freed myself from the Mormon church over ten years ago as a result of having the opportunity to really investigate the church while in college. My family, on the other hand, is still heavily involved in the church. I learned long ago that no amount of reasoning with them would ever convince them --- they are deeply entrenched, thoroughly brainwashed, and able to swat away any quibbling little details that don't quite gel with their beliefs by chanting "I know that the church is true, I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet" or "It is not for us to question the will of God" (that's my personal favorite all-purpose blanket platitude, by the way).
I lived in Guatemala for two years as a Mormon missionary. My experiences there were far from spiritual. I saw pain and suffering. Poverty and disease. Those people live like dogs. It makes me so angry every time I think of the oppression the US government continues to have concerning any Latin American country. I saw in my two year stint as missionary more pain and suffering than a young man of only 19 years years of age should see. It still affects me to the core. There's something wrong when a man works his ass off all day to come to his house of sticks and can barely feed his family. That kind of poverty always stays with me even though I've been away for almost 6 years. I live the pain and torture of the things I saw every day. I will never be the same.
It was such a difficult job working day in and day out preaching a message which did nothing to help the people with their struggle for daily sustenance. I finally realized that if God really did exist, he did not care for these people. It made me an atheist. I felt so helpless handing people a Book of Mormon and sharing a message about God. Telling them that they would be happy in this life and have eternal life in the world to come seemed so worthless when they had little food to even survive.
[this is a response to the previous post:]
A few months ago, I spoke to a fellow apostate concerning his own experience with Guatemala. It seems this guys father-in-law has lived in Guatemala for years and years running some kind of organization to help relieve the poverty. The guy I spoke to and his wife are also involved in this organization. They live in Salt Lake but they collect clothing and cash and head to Guatemala once a year with it all.
As I mentioned, this guy is an apostate from the Mormon church, his wife is an apostate, and his father-in-law (the one in Guatemala) is also an apostate. It seems the common link for their apostasy concerns the Mormon church and its treatment of the poverty stricken members in Guatemala. Apparently, the Mormon church does very little to help relieve the poverty of the people (members and non-members alike). Their really big gripe, however, is that the church has enough money to build fancy church buildings and temples in Guatemala, but not enough to help the people. He cited some specific examples he was familiar with where members had gone to the church for help with some excruciating circumstances but had been turned down. These people would then come to the father-in-law, in complete desperation, for help. This guy was rather bitter.
Anyway, a few months ago the Mormon church received some negative press about how little it spends on humanitarian aid. By the Mormon church's own admission, it only spends about $15 million per year on humanitarian aid. At first that seems like a lot. But, when one considers that the Mormon church takes in $6 billion (with a "B") a year, $15 million is a pittance. I suspect that the rush to send aid to Guatemala last week was in part due to the negative press it received earlier. The Mormon church has made no secret of how much relief it has sent to Guatemala. In fact, one of the local TV stations even has a reporter in Guatemala covering all the wonderful things the Mormon church is doing.
[A young non-Mormon writes about a friend:]
I have a friend who is both Mormon and gay. He recently joined the Mormon church and just everything I hear about seems odd, contradictory to the Bible. It's made him miserable. He complains constantly that gays hate him for being Mormon and Mormons hate him for being gay. He finds the Mormon church to be the true church, and has terrible problems accepting his own sexuality.
I just think for everyone's sake, it would be best for him to learn the truth and leave the church, but nothing seems to work. Any suggestions? I'm open to anything...
I wanted my religion to be true. It hurt to find out it was just Joseph Smith's wet dream. I wanted my family to be forever. It hurt to realize that would be a sentence in hell if your husband can't love you. I wanted to be the most faithful of all the saints. And it turns out I am full of reason and logic that tempers faith. What a surprise. What a life. ...
I have escaped a false religion and a fake marriage; both gave me some good things to take with me forever: wisdom and sons. I don't regret any part of my life. I have forgiven everyone and I have forgiven life itself. It has taught me deep lessons unfathomable without diving. I dove until I ran out of breath... came up for air... and dove, and dove.....
When we leave Mormonism, we leave behind EVERYTHING we have ever known. Now we realize just how weird the whole thing really is, but it was the absolute truth to us. Some people do not WANT to know the truth. They like the life. My sister was that way. She challenged me for a while, then we I came up with information that she couldn't answer, she simply told me she didn't want to hear it anymore. She doesn't want to know that Mormonism is a joke. It's the life she has chosen. In some ways, that is fortunate. It is definitely EASIER than the path we have chosen. And there are those like the web-site owner who is going to tell us all what is wrong with our decision to leave Mormonism. They will go to great extremes to prove it is true. When the facts stare them in the face, they just turn to "prayer and testimony."
But I know that I am happier. I don't need anyone else to validate my decision. I made the choice to leave, and I know it is the right choice. When we "jumped the Mo- Ship" we lost a center, a core. We became the enemy. An "anti-Mormon" is such an ugly word. It doesn't feel good to be outnumbered. It feels even worse to have your intentions questions. I get so angry at the constant "Well, someone hurt their feelings so they left," or "They sinned so they left." How about: we read, we used OUR BRAINS and we realized how incredibly stupid it all was. Why can't we be given credit for being intelligent? I didn't LEAVE because I was mad at anyone. I left because I couldn't believe that normally intelligent, rational human beings could believe the hogwash being passed off as "HOLY GOSPEL."
I have to say that I left the Mormon church a long time ago and still feel "lost." Is this "normal"? I am not Anti Mormon, I just live my life without THE CHURCH in it - it is not a relevant part of my life now. I will say that since I left the church, I have felt a huge sense of relief and feel a lot less guilt about every little thing. I also (Finally!) feel that my life is finally on a better track and I don't spend all of my time denying who I am and trying to fit into a much too confining mold. I can finally breathe! But, the Mormon church has left its scars and sometimes I yearn for the church to control my life, usually when things are the hardest. But I can not allow this, for if you let the church control one aspect of your life, they run rampant through the rest of it, and you then become another Mormon AutoBot .
And all along the way I have had moments that I can bring to the forefront and again feel rejuvenated and in balance. Like when I heard Russian Orthodox singing coming from a church in Zagorsk, or standing at Stonehenge awed by the age of the universe, or singing a lullaby to my daughter and thinking it doesn't get better then this.
And the moments keep coming and I keep taking them one after another. I find that so much better than taking callings, reading the Book of Mormon, the D&C, getting a temple recommend, making bunny rabbits out of Clorox bottles, searching and begging "God" for a testimony of the truthfulness of the Mormon Gospel... perhaps the answer was ,"No, it isn't true," long before I was ready to hear it. Now the awe is that I finally heard it, had that moment when I knew for me it was time to stop trying to make Mormonism true.
[from a letter to a Mormon friend who had urged the writer to return to the Mormon church:]
Since making the decision to leave the church, I feel better about life, my health has dramatically improved, my relationships with my wife and daughter have improved, I have more confidence in all areas of life, see more color, can breath more deeply, and have a new enthusiasm for life. I feel I now have more integrity, and live a more moral life. I live morally by following my own conscience because I want to, rather than following a list of commandments generated by others as the one-size- fits-all recipe for spirituality. Your first response to this was not to take it as a sign from God that I made the right decision because, "the devil's not that stupid." If I follow the church rather than my own conscience and feel good about it, how will I know those good feelings aren't from the devil? It seems that any feeling, whether good or bad, which leads one into Mormonism is defined as from God, while any feeling, whether good or bad, which leads away from Mormonism is defined as from the devil.
I hunger for the truth. I want truth more than Mormonism. However, the Mormon Church excommunicates people who, even if they do have a testimony that Mormonism is essentially true, are more loyal to truth than to the church. Seminary and Institute teachers are taught not to teach church history as it really happened, but rather, "[the teacher's] objective should be that they [the students] will see the hand of the Lord in every hour and every moment of the Church from its beginning till now." (Boyd K. Packer)
Here are the reasons for leaving that I put in my exit letter:
1- After being members of the church for a combined 38 years, reading the Book of Mormon 15 times, seriously praying about the church for most of that time, and making a real effort over this length of time to live the way that a good Mormon boy and girl should, neither of us can look in the mirror and honestly say that we believe the church is true.
2- We find no more spirituality within the church than without it. In other words, even if we didn't believe the church was "true" with a capital "T" but still found a high level of spirituality within it, we'd probably retain our memberships. Unfortunately, we find church participation more spirit draining than enhancing.
3- Our own life missions as we interpret them aren't in harmony with the missions of the church. Because we don't believe the church is particularly true or spiritual, we are incapable of enthusiastically and sincerely doing missionary work. Because we think the church is false, we believe redemption work for the dead is ineffectual. We would consider being members of a "mutual improvement club," but the church's vision of a perfected saint is different than our own vision of the way we need to be improving ourselves. President Clawson told me something like this, "Not only do you have to read the Book of Mormon and pray about it to know the truth, you also have to obey. The savior said in the book of Luke that 'If you do my will then you shall know the truth.' You have to keep the commandments to earn a testimony." My response was, "THAT IS EXACTLY WHY I WANT TO LOOK ELSEWHERE FOR SPIRITUAL FULFILLMENT; I DID OBEY AND THE PROMISED ANSWERS DIDN'T COME."
If I were to have converted to Mormonism instead of away from Mormonism, and explained to you how I now feel and see things, you would most likely tell me that my feelings indicate that the church is true. If these feelings I have would be enough to show the church to be true if they happened on the way in, then they must be enough to show the church to be false on the way out. I honestly believe that you and others who know their religions to be true have strong, feelings, perhaps feelings unique in ways I never imagined. I don't doubt your sincerity or integrity. The only conclusion that I can come to then, is that feelings can't be trusted to discern truth, because they don't all point to the same conclusion.
Alma 32:32 says, "... if it groweth not, behold it is not good, therefore it is cast away." That is my experience with Mormonism. I must follow my own heart, and accept the results of my own experiments with seeds, and live the life that my own spirit compels me to live. I don't expect you to agree with me, and I don't ask you to. I doubt you will even understand. But that is ok with me. I have enough faith that regardless of who we really are or what we are really doing here, that if I follow the yearnings of my own soul then things will turn out all right. If it was noble for Moses and Jesus and Joseph to leave behind the religions they grew up in by following their own hearts to uncharted territory, then it must be all right for me to do the same thing; I am following my heart.
I joined the Mormon church in 1992 and was trying to be a good member of the collective. I cut off old friends and family since they were not "worthy". I gloried in being a toally self-righteous bitch and generally devolved for the next four years. The fact that I wanted to be "with the saints" (oh God that makes me ill!) almost lost me my family. I began to wake up sometime in late 1996 and slooowly began to grow up. Anyway, I moved back out of Utah (Not Zion!) to California in 1997 and started to question even more of the Mormon way of life. I found the lifestyle ridiculous and not too different from extreme right wing fundamentalist christians. The big question regarding the Book of Mormon's truth was the beginning of the end for me. In mid- October, I realized Joe's fantasy was a joke! The last year has been Hell! I have been trying to rebuild old friendships and reformat my brain! My immediate family and I are finally attaining a normal relationship and I am now getting to know my cousins.
I think most Mormons are blissfully ignorant and enjoy and thrive in the idea of having the entire truth revealed to them. They have no stress and they have no responsibility for their lives. You know? There is something to be said about following another's road map.....When you do? You don't have to take responsibility for the shit you have when you reach your destination. It's a pretty good cop out.
Knowing all the answers, even before your mind asks the questions, is an easier lifestyle, by my estimation. To exist in a warm, safe environment as a part of a loving 'governing' agency, which clearly lays out a road map for their life??? What more could a person ask for? All the way from a "how to" on how to get a career and find a marriage companion, to a "how to" on how to raise children. And the command to only associate with like people.
When I really think about it, I realize that there are lots of people (including mormonism, but not excluding anyone;-) out there who'd like nothing more than to hand me their road map (for my 10%).....Which is why it is vital that I figure out my own.
Part of learning the lesson of Mormonism for me was owning the damage that was done to me. No they didn't beat me, didn't shame me publicly, they're too cunning for that....they do it in more sinister ways, play on your self-esteem, pile a little guilt on here, a little guilt there, tell you your going down the road of apostasy asking questions (the questions they don't and won't answer). And of course all this is told you "FOR YOUR OWN GOOD and because THEY LOVE YOU." In my opinion the church is guilty of Spiritual Abuse. Even the letter they send when you get your name officially removed from the records is condescending and they still want "the last word," want the control. They have the audacity to ask me to repent and come back to the church. Well my only "sin" was finding out the church wasn't true.
And you may well say I had a choice to join the church or not and that is true. I was a covert at 19. And yes a choice to leave it. It took me 13 years to leave it and another 20 to ask to have my name officially removed. But when I was in the middle of it, being a good TBM, doing all the right things, every time the doubts would come I'd stuff them, I didn't want the church to be false, I didn't want to leave, I didn't want to jeopardize my soul going to outer darkness, since I'd been to the temple. I certainly didn't want my throat slashed, or be disemboweled. Yes, spiritual abuse. BUT eventually I couldn't stuff my doubts, my questions anymore. I was so tired of praying for answers, a sign, anything, that it REALLY was the TRUE church and nothing, and I'd think it's me, there has got to be something wrong with me. I'd pray and fast some more, still nothing. So I'd play the part and everyone thought I was this great TBM'er. Eventually I was faced with my own sense of integrity, "To Thine Own Self Be True" the light bulb finally went on. I knew I was on my way out.
The greatest tool the church has is manipulation, manipulation through guilt: have to take that calling, have to go to that meeting, have to give that talk, have to teach that lesson, or you don't measure up. Enough was never enough. I was even chastised by the Relief Society President because I didn't want to make those damn bunny rabbits from Clorox bottles. The nerve... as if some bunny rabbit made out of a Clorox bottle was the measuring stick of being a good "Sister." She wanted me to be a good example to those "inactive sisters" who only came to Homemaking Lessons. And when I made a meal for my neighbour and the Visiting Teachers asked, "Is she a member?" and I said "NO," they said that could not be counted as compassionate service. Grr!! But that's another story.
I do know sometimes seemingly miraculous things happened. Even in the last seven or eight years while I was getting out of the church but still in. I would give blessings knowing full well that I was not worthy and I did not believe. Yet, people that I would bless including my own daughter would get better immediately. TBMs would attribute this to the faith of those I blessed or the faith of those attending.
However, I attribute it to the "shit happens" factor.
Miraculous things happen every day with or without the church or its priesthood. In fact there isn't one power that the priesthood lays claim to that isn't also manifest outside the priesthood. Healings happen. Devils are cast out. People are blessed. Revelations happen. Inspiration happens. People feel good.
Good things happen without the priesthood. Did I say that already? If not let me say it again. Good things happen without the priesthood or its sponsoring church.
This leads me to believe that the one sole purpose for the priesthood is for men to take credit for the good things that happen in the world and use that credit to control others. Does that sound familiar to anyone?
Anyway I go on too long. Be aware of wolves in sheeps clothing my good and faithful exmo friends lest they tithe you and teach you to value your own life less than that of the church.
This list was, I believe, the single most influential factor in my climb out of depression. Through this list, I feel zero guilt for the first time in my life (even went through a visit with the bishop and his wife--mom & dad--with nary a twinge). It's therapy with people who really understand.
My wife works at a local shopping mall part time during the holidays (her real job is as a school teacher). Last night some elders dropped in to visit a co- worker who is a member (marginal at best). When the co-worker introduced the elders to my wife, they became ashen-faced, slowly stepped back, and told my wife, "We have been ordered by the bishop not to have contact with you because you are evil." A short time later the store manager, who was watching this sh*t, kicked the elders out of the store, saying she "felt a terrible depressing spirit" as soon as they walked in. Needless to say, my wife is a wonderful lady, and very christ-like. Our records are still in the local ward (although we are excom'd), and we still have friends among some of the members there (the marginal ones, of course). But my wife was very hurt by this, and cried for some time. She always helps the weak, the manatee, the old ladies, she picks up trash, volunteers to feed the homeless, etc. etc. She won't even kill a bug in the house, but takes it outside.
I'll admit that I never used to consider myself a very gullible person. Or a person that was easily malleable. But after having the blinders of THAT church removed, I see exactly who I am. A gullible, easily swayable person who looks (looked) to other people to provide meaning for him. And frankly, I must say, that any man in the church who considers himself to have more power than any other man in or out of the church, has been fooled.
I used to think that I had such power. I had truly convinced myself that I was something special, in fact, I used to give the most eloquent blessings. (something my Mormon wife constantly reminds me of). I could go on and on, saying whatever it was the person being administered to wanted to hear. I was unbelievable. I was FANTASTIC!!!!! I WAS THE MOUTHPIECE OF GOD!!!
Another one of the many reason's leaving that church was so hard. Finding out that you are nothing more that an ordinary guy, with an ordinary life, is hard. Finding out that I had to treat my wife as a complete equal, and could not use the power of a Patriarch any more was difficult. But so far, the rewards are immeasurable. And my wife IS BEGINNING TO SEE THAT I AM A BETTER PERSON. I care more for her feelings, I listen to her a lot more. We discuss things such as dicipline, and I admit to her that I am often wrong in the ways I deal with things.
The most reoccurring theme I hear in this group is how frustrating it feels to be judged by Mormon family, friends, and neighbors who refuse to even look at our perspective. They convict us with the evidence presented by the Church, and refuse to admit that contrary evidence even exists. We, on the other hand, have spent years not just examining the Church's evidence, but living it, defending it, and bleeding it, and only then looked at the other side. Then we make the decision to follow our own conscience. Rather than respecting us for making such a difficult decision, they judge us for denying God's spirit. Rather than acknowledging the effort we made to believe, they tell us to read the Book of Mormon and pray more. Rather than loving us for who we are, they love the church more than they love us, and reject us until we come back to the fold. Rather than admitting that it is possible to reach this perspective out of nothing more than thirst for the truth, they call us evil.
I had a bishop once who called one of the youngest, prettiest ladies in the ward as Relief Society president. They lived a couple of blocks from each other, and her husband was overseas on military duty. I saw no compelling reason for her to be RS president, as there was a number of older, more experienced women for the job. A few months later, he was suddenly released after only about a year as bishop, and both of them were excommunicated. That's when I realized that the "inspiration" for her "calling" was so that they could be alone together "counseling," while avoiding suspicion.
This happened in 1984. Only about a year ago, my wife chatted with another friend of hers who was in the same ward at that time. It turned out that the same bishop had been molesting her 16-year-old daughter, who had been babysitting for the bishop. As is often the case, the girl was too frightened to share the info with anyone. She only told her mother about it after she had spent two years at BYU, served a mission, and had four kids by three different husbands. The bishop had only confessed after his partner, the RS pres, had confessed to stake counselors. He moved away, and I understand was rebaptized a year or two later. The reason I tell this part is that because of the teenage girl's fear, he never "confessed" or was prosecuted for child molestation. He simply moved to another state, presented himself as "repentant," and was brought back into the fold a "worthy brother."
Yes, that great bishop touched the lives of many, including mine.
I think this is my fundamental complaint about the LDS system. It sets up an environment where people feel that they have the duty and the authority to know about others' lives, to counsel them, interfere with and judge them. It also sets up the reverse phenomenon: because people are taught to honour the Priesthood authority, it creates a group of people who will put up with this manipulation to a greater extent than normal. I have at different times been on both sides of that divide.
This would be perfectly acceptable if the LDS claims about divine inspiration for its leaders was correct. Unfortunately I have seen too many instances where this just wasn't so to believe it any more. The church is, in practice, run by men and a few women who are, I am sure, trying to do their best for their fellow-members. Unfortunately, and in some cases disastrously, those men are treated as though their words are divinely inspired when they are not. The damage that this causes in many cases to those they affect, and in many cases to the men themselves, can be very great.
I've come to realize that my bottom line problem with Mormonism is the demand for conformity. As a TBM, I was going nuts trying to conform, and each time I did, I pushed a little bit of my own identity down into my personal outer darkness. And I realize that ultimately conformity to Mormonism leaves you without any personal identity at all. You become shallow, vapid, a shell walking through a passionless life...why? so that you can end up in that empty image of the celestial kingdom portrayed in Man's Search for what. Happiness? Well, I think that's a limited term under Mormonism. If that's happiness, I'll taken my chances with Satan.
I've never felt better since I let my soul out of Outer Darkness and locked Joe Missionary down there.
Attending the temple, studying Mormon scripture and adopting the patterns of belief prescribed by Mormon leaders had not brought me a more enlightened perspective of Jesus Christ. This isn't the only reason I left the church. But when I realized this fact about my worship in Mormonism, it was a huge credibility blow. I was totally committed to Joe's Church. If it were possible to experience some kind of exalted Christian joy in Mormonism, I would have experienced it. I wouldn't have left.
I don't mean for my comments to deteriorate into an argument over whose church is better. But you'd be hard-pressed to find another church that is so dishonest about its historic orgins, and so relentless in its control and manipulation of its membership. We're not comparing Lutherans to Unitarians here. There are layers and layers and layers of Mormon-only belief that are a misrepresentation.
My only wish in life is that I could have my life back. I wish I were that 19-year old boy who was ready to go on a mission and show him the crock of shit the Mormon church is. I have no regrets about the kind of person I have become through my experiences. I only wish I had my life back.
When I left the Mormon church, my mother asked me, "If you don't believe, what keeps you from killing, stealing and committing all manner of crime?" She just can't imagine a moral life consisting of a love for all life and a respect for law without the watchful eye of a vengeful phantom hovering over her every move. Boy, am I glad I'm beyond all that crap!
For more comments from former Mormons: Voices 1, Voices 2, Voices 4
© 1999 Richard Packham Permission granted to reproduce for non-commercial purposes, provided text is not changed and this copyright notice is included
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